Mission accomplished! Now that the title has got your attention and you have opened up the post to read on, let’s get going with the what I have to say.
We all know what a hickey is and how it happens. What’s interesting to note here is that it is a type of contusion or hematoma. It is a type of bruise that results in a bluish colour due to torn blood vessels or due to blood pooling under the skin. That’s the scientific explanation. This is where my real blog post begins – “Bruising despite the passion, hurting despite the love.” Just like a hickey. And we can’t do much to heal it. Either we let it heal itself or cover it up. But if we keep bruising the same point then problems can arise.
So which are the top ten reasons how we hurt those who we love?
Lying to Me
You love me, I know. This is probably why you give me those trivial lies because you think that it will anger me. But why? Just be honest. If you have had three glasses of whiskey tell me so! If you have been smoking while at work why say that you have quit? If you were looking at the cute girl who just passed by then there’s no need to deny it!
Don’t make a mockery of me in front of the parents, relatives, friends or even the child. Direct or indirect. If you care for me then show to the world that you have respect for what I do. Be that being in the kitchen and cooking for you, giving up my job and taking care of the house, leaving my little baby at day care and rushing for work so that we can make both ends meet. Don’t laugh at me because I don’t speak as well as you, don’t dress and chic as the malnutrition models or because I don’t know about all the subjects that you can talk about.
Not Listening to Me
I am talking to you! Do you even realise that? At least look at me and show me that you are interested in listening to what I’m saying. When you come back from work and talk about all your meetings and client bashing I am all ears. Then, why is that when I want to tell you about how I had fun haggling with the vegetable man or how I felt good giving the begger a packet of biscuits on the road; you either have to look at the morning paper, look at your nails to see if there’s dirt in it, check messages on that blasted phone of yours or simply Facebook!
No Time for Me
I have no issues if you want to spend time with your friends or in pursuing your hobby. We all need to do things that we like to do. And it need not match with the likings of the other person. But, if it is me whom you love, then why do you have no time for me? Why can’t we do things together ever? Am I supposed to be the person who just takes care of the house and the child and who serves you dinner when you demand it? If you think finding time for other things and other people is more important then it sure is a ‘bruising moment’ for me.
Abusing in Anger
We are all humans and we all get angry. Nothing unnatural. For heaven’s sake, even animals get angry! But abusing because you are? Well, that’s not allowed. Ever. Be it verbal or physical. And it’s not just me. It’s about the public at large. The servant, the auto man on the road, the office boy, the clients at work, the close friends, the relatives. If you love me you should maintain yourself with dignity. No matter how angry you are, you deal with the situation and display maturity and calmness.
Constantly Criticising Me
Don’t be critical of what I do. Food I cook. What I eat. Clothes I wear. The way I talk. The way I walk. What my hobbies are. The movies I watch. The serials I see. It is one thing to discuss and tell me about your perspective. And it is altogether a different thing to think that whatever I do is bad. Is improper. Is incorrect. Is stupid. If you say that you are in love with me, then you won’t treat me like a dumb bimbette. Because I’m not.
Telling My Secrets
Because we are in a relationship and trust is what binds us together, I open up to you. I let out all the skeletons. I don’t hide from you. As time passes you get to know more about me. My insecurities, my weird habits, my family and their complication, my sexual likings et all. And then? When you are with your friends you go and tell them everything? Why? So that you guys can share a laugh? At my expense? Are you sure you love me?
Being Over Possessive about Me
We could be in a relationship but you don’t own me. Even if, due to stupid Indian traditions, I changed my surname and adopted yours. I’m still my own individual self. And I have my life. Don’t think that by being over possessive you are showing your love. If I want to go out – alone or with friends – then let me. Stop asking questions. If I get late to come back from work, don’t doubt me. If I want to spend the weekend at my parents’ home, then don’t you dare stop me. Give me space. And for heaven’s sake don’t be a stupid jealous man!
Being Self Obsessed
What shirt do I wear? Does this tie match? Am I looking good? Do I smell nice? Is this food healthy? How long should I exercise? How do I make up with my friend? What should I tell my boss now that I have quit? Discussing and getting my opinion might feel good. But do you think if you seek my opinion about everything regarding you, all the time! I will love you more? Na! I will cringe. Don’t think that everything is always about you. Please don’t be so self obsessed.
Starting off Parental Issues
Ah! The eternal problem that never fails to show it’s ugly face. “If you had to choose between me and your parents, who would you choose?” You think this query would make me feel very romantic towards you? Aargh! That’s the only reaction my dear.
All I can say is, “If you are in love, hickies, literally, are fine. Avoid the metaphorical ‘hickies’ though. They bruise real hard.”
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