“How can we love someone and still hurt them? Then it’s not true love!” one may want to argue. But we all do. All of us hurt those whom we love the most, and yes, we are also hurt by them. If we are true to ourselves and admit this simple fact, yes, life will be a lot less complex. It happens in almost all relationships – parent-child, best friends, lovers, and husband and wife.
But what is the cause of this?
First of all, how did they become so close and important to us? That’s because they know (almost) all our secrets, and would have been there by our side during our good times and bad times. Every time we were happy, they would have always been the first to know. Every time we were hurt, yes, then again, they would be the first ones to know. And they would have done possibly everything that they can to calm us down and make us feel better. But what when they hurt us knowingly or unknowingly? Whom will we take it to? That’s when it hurts the most. If the same crime had been committed by someone we are not so close with, it would be so easy to end the relationship and walk away. But when that person whom we love the most does this to us, it is totally unexpected, unacceptable, and unbearable.
Such instances are quite common these days. When a person catches his best friend or spouse lying or cheating, imagine, how painful would it be!
Yes. In some cases, it is definitely unforgivable, but most of the times, if we take a while to calm down and then think it over, we will realise that it was not really that big an issue, and we only made a mountain of a molehill. Because we love them so much, we tend to place them on a pedestal, and set unrealistic expectations. But they are also humans like us and tend to have their own weaknesses. And when one of their weaknesses is seen, it is initially unacceptable for us. “How could you do that to me?” We start overthinking and our anxiety does wonders. The issue could actually be something very small that could easily be sorted out. But we overwork our minds and start assuming things because of the fear of losing them. Then, we say/do things which we may not really intend to – “Get lost!”, “Stop talking to me!”, “I understand that you never really loved me!” and such. This tends to hurt them in turn. And yes, words once spilled cannot be taken back.
After all this, apologizing becomes the biggest problem. Our love for that person on one side, and our own ego on the other side – caught between the two, we are torn apart. “Sorry” – a simple word, a really good friend when we really mean it, becomes quite difficult to say. And then, the other person would have their own ego problems like we do – forgiving is not all that easy. So it becomes difficult for them too.
Thus, in reality, almost all of us go through this – we end up hurting those whom we love the most. Not hurting them requires a lot of patience and maturity, which we gain only with time. Till then, the only solution is this – we must be willing to at least apologize and accept apologies whole-heartedly if we really care for the relationship. If we are capable of this, then our bonding will only grow stronger with time. So, let’s us stop thinking with our heart and start thinking with our head, and think of all the positive qualities of that person, and how difficult life will be without him/her and build relationships that will last for a lifetime, dear friends. Hope this helps! Cheers!
This has been written by Lakshmi Prakash – a young Indian writer. She mostly writes poems and short stories on love, life, and nature and is presently writing her first romance novel.