It is so easy to fall in love. Probably even easier to let your expectations go flying off the room and beyond the mountains and clouds! And even easier to say “let’s quit” when things don’t go your way.
But is that what one should do? Should we not fight our brains that tell us to give up after a fight?
There is this girl I know. Let me tell you her story today.
She has had many tiny flings and has been in a few major relationships. None worked out. She didn’t think twice before walking out of them. Slowly, with time though, she gave up hope of ever finding anyone who she would want to fiercely stay with and passionately desire. Then, one fine day, walked into her life one of her closest friend. It was so easy to open up to him. To share with him and to tell him. Somewhere during their journey together they fell in love. Easy part was done.
Now started the girl’s problems. Her innate characteristics of letting expectations sky rocket, putting the man she loves on a pedestal, always craving for his attention, feeling insecure when he spent time with friends instead of with her etc. etc. started. Get the drift?
Quite naturally tempers started rising, misunderstandings grew and one day the guy flew into a mad rage. He did things and said things that the girl never imagined he would. He had seemed so different from others. She started blaming herself. For the current fight and for all the past failed relationships that she had had. After all the guy had told her so too.
She didn’t want to carry on. She wanted to get back into her shell once again. Being together with someone was probably not what was meant for her. But, unlike other times, this time she didn’t want to believe that. Something deep inside her pushed her to give it another try. Her mind kept playing and replaying all the nasty things the guy had said but her heart said that she was to blame for starting the fight.
She was surprised when she found that this time it truly was different. The man she had bared herself to did not turn his back to her and walk away. He kept talking to her. Even when it was only being met by stony silences. He didn’t stop. He spoke. Literally from afternoon till the week hours of the night. He just wouldn’t give up. Even when she tried to escape the conversation. He just wouldn’t let her fall into the chasms of misery. He had promised her that he would stay.
The girl knew that this time she would fight herself too. She would not let her brains win. The heart’s got to be right sometimes too. This relationship would have to be for keeps. She wouldn’t quit this time.
Haven’t you felt this way too? Wanting to walk away after a fight? And yet a part deep inside you tells you not to. It tells you that if you do then that would be the greatest regret of your life. It tells you to remember the good times. It tells you to hang on.
So, next time you want to break away, do ask yourself these questions.
- Am I just angry because of one incident that ultimately flared up into a lot of bitter things being said?
- What was the main issue that has led up to this? Is is something that can’t be solved?
- Did the incident happen because you jumped to conclusions and didn’t allow him to speak?
- Am I stressed about something else that I am taking out on him?
- Is he even aware how bad you have felt?
- Are you just plotting a break up to hurt him? A sort of game that you are playing? In the process you might be hurting yourself more!
- Is the damage so great that it can’t be worked on?
- Is there even a small percentage of a chance that you will regret this decision? It mint be too late then!
- Is anyone else filling your ears up? Is your break up decision being influenced by someone else?
All I am saying is that before you end it all, please spend some time in thinking if this can be salvaged or not. You owe it to yourself if not to anyone else. Please at least try and give love a chance. Please give each other a chance. Please give what you two have build a chance. Some damages are irreparable. Some incidents can’t be wiped away. Some memories will haunt you. Even then. Maybe what you have is more special than a single moment of rage. Maybe the cup, despite the tiny chip in one corner, can still hold the steaming cup of the perfect coffee.
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