Make Some Noise

sex, noisy sex

Researchers have found that in the jungle female chimpanzees make different kinds of copulatory calls to attract the males. But we are not chimpanzees or anyone from their family! Well, at least not anymore. Remember evolution? So, do we women need to make noises in bed during copulation? For a change the men answered. 

This is a relationship blog and hence this topic had to be done some time or the other. It took me guts to get started on this. But I’m happy I did it. If not for the information that I gathered, then most definitely for being able to get rid of the stupid taboo in my head that often prevents me from talking about sex with members of the opposite gender without feeling awkward. I know that I will be able to write more freely about this henceforth. And write I will.

As for you readers out there, please don’t read this one if you are going to be looking at the topic with raised brows. If you want to be judgemental and appear ‘proper’ then I suggest you shut this one down RIGHT NOW!

Great! So you didn’t. It either means that you are a man and you want to smirk at what comes next or you are a woman who’s shy to ask his man what he wants (but you want to know what will work).

Here’s what I found out. My sample size is not really as big as Femina’s. But it is still substantial. And it is spread across different ages and different locations within India. You might be surprised at the key findings. I, for one, was surprised at how freely the men opened up and gave me the answers. That’s what friends are for, I guess.

I will share the 13 (13 is my lucky number!) best answers with you. It will surely give you an idea of what you ladies should be doing in bed the next time you jump into one with your partner.

  1. Here’s my favourite answer. He is 32, holds a Masters Degree in Mathematics and is working for a research company in Gurgaon

“When kids are around at home, I want to make out with her in pin drop silence. To the extent that I would want her to bite on the pillow rather than moan. To the extent that I would kiss her so that silence prevails! At other times, I want to hear my name.”

 

Now that’s what I call ‘being honest’!

2. Here’s what another had to say. He is 46 and holds an MBA degree from a well known institute and works for an advertising agency in Mumbai

“There are plenty of places where you would need to stay silent. You don’t need to turn the bed that you share with your partner into place of worship or a library! ” 

I like the analogy 🙂

3. Another, very intelligently, analysed the situation.He is 29 and is a part of the hotel industry. He hails from Delhi.

“We would want to know if we are pleasing our woman enough or not. So if she just keeps lying there then we might as well just go do it to a dead tree trunk!” 

Ahemm! 

4. A young college student said this. .He is 20 and is studying Political Science in a decent college in Delhi,

“If we don’t know whether they are liking what’s being done to them then why waste time? We might as well go catch the next soccer match!”

What audacity! Women and soccer matches are being compared! 

5. Here’s the next one.He is 35 and runs his own clothes business in Delhi.

“I like it when my partner groans. It turns me on. I like it even more when she talks dirty. I wish she would do it more. I don’t know why she suddenly gets shy at times.”

So, ladies – being shy is not allowed! 

6. This is a new perspective.He is a 31 year old techie expert with a software firm in Bangalore.

“I like the sounds because of the element of danger that it carries. If the lady is grunting and there’s a fear of getting caught in the act then it gets me more excited.”

Umm. Well, if you say so! Exhibitionist tendencies on the rise! His lady love should watch out! 

7. The next one is pretty hilarious.He is 19 and is a college student studying English Honours from a college of repute in Kolkata.

“I like grunts when it is required. But if she keeps shouting out my name all the while then I find it very amusing and lose the moment. She sounds like a broken record!”

Oh god! Of all the challenges that we women face in life, here’s another one. Now we need to figure out how much is good and how much is too much. Aargh! 

8. The next one is from a teacher. He is 40 and lives in Delhi.

“I get turned on when my wife guides and directs me. If she likes something then I want to hear her saying so. And if she isn’t then that too should be told. Words are more important to me than incomprehensible noises.”

How predictable! In class he gives directions and in bed he wants directions. A little sissy for my liking. But then, what the heck. I’m not judging. Each one likes different things. 

9.  This guy seemed like a considerate one. He is 53 and surprisingly he is just a graduate. Goes to show education and a man’s attitude in bed are not correlated. By the way, he owns a gadget shop in Bangalore and is married.

“Noise and words are not important for me. She having a good time after a hard day of managing home is. Yes, sounds give me personal gratification. But that’s not priority. And when she does moan I know she’s reached her comfort crescendo. That makes me most happy.”

I like such men. They don’t happen often. Lucky is she who has one such.

10. This gentlemen decided to explain a completely different aspect of why sounds happen.He is a 38 year old doctor from Kolkata. Newly married, by the way!

“During sex women moan in pain. If by chance the man hits on a point that makes the woman uncomfortable it is but natural that she will cry out. Sometimes leg cramps also develop. This also leads to deep sounds.”

Oh God! Is he a virgin that he gives this answer? Or is he too much of a doctor? I asked him if he liked sounds or not. I did not ask for a scientific explanation of why we do it. I hope he realises soon that this is not the main reason why we do it. 

11. This boy (you will soon know why I call him so) seems to be a sucker for tone analysis. He is 18. The youngest from the sample. He jumped to answer the question when his older brother was being asked! You can imagine the look on his brother’s face. I didn’t stay back to see what happened after this 🙂

 “I look forward to the change of tone in her voice. It becomes thicker when she speaks while we are making love. That’s a huge kick for me.”

Thicker tone eh? Is our voice milkshake – the thicker the tastier? Christ in heaven! Of all the analyses that men do. 

12. And here is one more knowledgeable one.He is a blogger friend from Mumbai. A CA working in the financial sector. Age 27.

“Arousal is about engaging different senses. Auditory sensations are a part of it. Naturally I get aroused when my woman makes all kinds of sounds in bed.”

Very matter of fact. Point noted sir.

13. I am going to end with this one.He is a 42 year old lawyer from Kolkata. Of all the answers, this one got me thinking.

“I need to ask you something first. You are doing a survey for your blog post.Why is it then that you are feeling shy to ask me this question? It is probably because you don’t know me well enough to trust me. It is pretty much the same for sex. It is only when she trusts completely that she can say the right things. Sex is about connection. And it needs trust. Only when this is there do the right words get delivered correctly.”

You are right. It says it all. I shall say no more. Except this. Here’s wishing you ladies out there loads of fun! Go on and be yourself. You just have this life to live. I hope you are noisier than the creaking bed next time you are in one!

You might like to read:

NEED THE WANT, DON’T WANT THE NEED

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