I saw a Bollywood movie years ago (those who watch such movies will know which one it is!) that said that a man and a woman could never really be friends. It was just a curtain behind which passions were getting ignited every moment. That stuck to my mind. It seemed to be a valid point. I grew up thinking that love and friendship were two completely separate entities. A ‘boyfriend’ and a ‘boy who was a friend’ were different things and that ‘never the twain shall meet’. So, when I saw another flick that said that love meant friendship, I just couldn’t fathom what it meant. I remember giggling at the sheer thought of falling in love with my best friend.
How wrong I had been. Love is nothing but friendship. After all friendship is about two beings. It is more deep rooted and non-sexual. Much like the pure form of love is. Love is not lust and sex!
You can cry out from the top most mountain when you realize that you have fallen in love. It’s natural. The enthusiasm is bound to be there. The problem happens because people believe that this moment of passion is the final truth. It is not. It cools down. One can’t remain on high ground forever. But if you have friendship then even the ‘coming back to the plain ground after you have finished flying in the skies’ makes it a beautiful one.
I know of someone who spends hours with her best friend. They talk about work, movies, songs, food, travel, drinks etc. They go watch films together, they research where to go eat their next meal, they get excited at the prospect of planning a vacation together, they share dreams about the future and they gleefully bash their bosses and ex-es as well. They are so comfortable in each other’s presence.
“They are so comfortable in each other’s presence”
There is a sort of coolness in their relationship. No, don’t get me wrong. They are immensely passionate. To the extent that they don’t mind giving each other hugs and holding hands even in a crowd. They even steal kisses when no one is looking! In fact, the way they look at each other, anyone would know what madness they create behind closed doors. And yet, because they are friends, their relationship is steady. Love can be beautiful or ugly. It has its moods. It has its conflicts. Friendship doesn’t. It is understanding and eternal.
“Because they are friends, their relationship is steady”
These two people I’m talking about have known each other since eternity. They know each other’s virtues and flaws. And have accepted it all. They know each others life history at the tip of their fingers. So there’s no secret to hide either. No skeletons to look after. They are free. That’s what makes them special.
“They are free”
Since they are the best of pals, they don’t need occasions to rejoice. Just the fact that one is there for the other is reason enough for them to be happy. Friendship is about companionship and compassion after all.
“They don’t need occasions to rejoice”
Their relationship is almost meditative and spiritual (if I can say so). They never seek for a name or a terminology for their relationship. They need no witnesses. They need no legal documents. They just need each other.
“They need no legal documents”
They may sound like the ‘ideal’ couple to the extent that you might accuse me of making this up. But trust me, I’m not lying. They exist. And I know them. When they are together, nothing and no one else matters to them. The rest of the world doesn’t exist. It is just the two of them. The extent to which they enjoy each others company, I have seen in very few.
And yet they are human. They are as real as you and me. They fight. They get irritated. They get hurt. But one is so precious to the other that ego takes a back seat. Jealousy and mistrust has no chance of existing. And hence their friendship wins every single time. So strong is their bond.
“Ego takes a back seat”
I am certain that had it only been love, they wouldn’t have ever come so far. Because sooner or later the romance disappears. The novelty of lusting after a person wears out. The heat of sexual desire diminishes with age. But if friendship if there, then love forever survives.
So, my dearies; your spouse / partner / soul mate (call it what you want) can be many things to you, but if he is not your friend then you have lost in the game of love, my friend.