We Are Not Magnets!

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Magnets can attract if the opposite poles face each other, but we are not magnets! How can two human beings who have a completely different set of beliefs, attitude and ideologies attract each other? 

There is one school of thought who believe that this happens because we tend to look for a person with the qualities that are lacking within us. Hence the concept of ‘opposites attract’.

It believed that women have the ability to actually smell out opposite gene pools in men. Studies have shown that when women were asked to smell different t-shirts that different men had worn and then rank them accruing to their level of attractiveness, they chose the ones with a different gene pool, or different major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes, as being the most attractive! Apparently it is to give the future child a good immune system because child’s body with many different MHC genes will have a greater ability to detect and ward off invading cell bodies that may carry disease.

I don’t belong to this school and neither to I want to be admitted to it! Even if studies say so. There’s a lot that goes into a relationship and science cannot analyse it all.

Pairing up with an opposite when it comes to romantic pursuits is going to be a complete disaster. Always. Be that in terms of the person’s value system, his hobbies, his education, his religious and political beliefs, his IQ and EQ and even the kind of upbringing that he has had and the type of parents he has.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not asking you to clone yourself! And you can’t find a mirror image either. It might get a tad boring too if that were the case. But get someone similar. It’s alright if you like Bollywood and he prefers Hollywood. It’s also alright if you want fish and he wants mutton. But…

  • It is not alright if you want to work and he believes that the place for a woman is in the house.
  • It is not alright if your family is very dear to you and he prefers to be a loner.
  • it is not alright if you want a child and he wants only a boy.
  • It is not alright if you want your child to be your life and he wants to send him off to the hostel as soon as is possible.
  • It is not alright if you are full of energy wanting to go out, loving adventure sports and he wants to sit and home with a book.
  • It is not alright if you love punctuality and he is habitually late.
  • It is not alright if you are very strict in terms of smoking, drinking, hygiene, exercise, diet and he is lax.
  • It is not alright if you prefer to save and he loves to spend.
  • It is not alright if you like to talk, crack jokes and laugh and he wants to remain serious.
  • In such cases, stay away! Even if he gives you the best orgasm. Because it won’t be long before his opposite nature starts to drive you nuts.

Forging a relationship with an opposite is so hard because every difference that crops us will need an intense amount of compromise, negotiation and adaptation. You can do this when it comes to what movie to watch, what food to eat and the holiday type to take. But you will only cause yourself stress and mental dissonance if you were to be compromising on your principles in life. Compromising on what you hold dear. This strain, but naturally, causes the relationship to break ultimately.

Sometimes, just to prove a point to the world that even we can be in a steady relationship, we get ourselves into one. But in the hurry to do so, we fail to really ask ourselves why we are doing it. If it’s for sex, fun dates and showing off the eye candy to your friends then anyone will do. But if it’s forever that we are looking for, then we will have to see if that common core exists. Because if it doesn’t we will be spending a lot of time trying to change him or ourselves. And that’s not possible. No one really changes. A person’s personality is what it is. Yes, he can bend himself. But for how long? The crack’s bound to develop.

So, I guess, if it’s going to be a long term relationship that will ultimately culminate into wedding bells, then we should do what birds do best – flock together. And when the minor difference do crop up, we shall allow love to solve it through communication, understanding, mutual respect and focussing on why we came together in the first place.

You might like to read:

DO THEY REALLY GO AWAY?

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