I went where I always go to when I need to research a bit – Google! All that came up, despite plenty of keyword changes, was how one person’s sexual past bothered another one when these two got into a relationship.
I thus have a funny, no, an incredible, situation in hand. I know of two people who are so in love with each other that their sexual pasts don’t bother them. And yes, they know about it all. Every bed move! Pretty much all the gory details. Nothing censored out.
This makes me think. How have they managed this? Can it be attributed to the more than ten year long friendship that they have shared till they fell in love? Has that made their bond this strong? Or are they so hurt and broken that now, when they have finally found love, they want to make things work out – they are determined to have a smiling future and skeletons in the cupboard have no space at all?
Actually it’s neither. It’s just a few very basic things that we call trust, fearlessness, confidence, being non-judgemental and keeping the humour alive.
He/she might have had flings with many but you trust him so much that you know that he /she will be completely faithful to you. You believe in your love. You know they can’t fall in love with anyone else. You know he / she doesn’t feel or won’t feel the fuzzy feelings for anyone else other than you.
Also the fact that you know about the sexual past means that he / she cares enough to tell you everything. Hiding is easy. Being honest is the hard part. But if he / she can do that it just means that these are nothing but incidents which hold no meaning anymore.
You are not scared of losing each other. The escapades of the past was when you were not in the picture. You don’t fear losing the partner now to another person. And you don’t find the need to compare yourself to the ex. After all you have him / her, the ex doesn’t.
You are confident of what you mean to your partner. You know you keep him/her happy mentally, physically and spiritually. So images from the past don’t haunt you. You don’t feel that there’s any competition. You know that you are living upto his / her expectations. And yet you never take him / her for granted. You are always working on your relationship.
Yes he / she did stuff at a time gone by. But stuff that happens in a relationship is never only white and black. There’s a plethora of greys. So staying non-judgemental is the key. There’s really no use being jealous or judgemental. The slate has been written on and smudged. Accepting that is important. But now the slate is yours. You write on it.
Laughter seems to be a great medicine for most issues. If you can laugh with your partner over all the kinky stuff that you or they have done in the past then you will find that you are not obsessing about the past all. Rather you might just find yourself asking him / her to do the same with you. After all it is innovative and new for you. And when you fail or make a mess of things then laugh over the madness too.
So just get over all your jealousy and insecurities. If you really have someone who loves you like crazy, don’t let his / her past bother you. Have fun with each other. After all he / she is experienced at it and can surely give you a good time!
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