You really can’t help falling in love, can you? So often, we decide to fall for someone who we know, right from the beginning, is not right. And yet, we go ahead and do it. So too, happened to a relative of mine. She fell in love with a married man.
I don’t know if ‘agony aunt’ is written on my face or not, but she came to me for relationship advice, like so many in the past have done. While the best advice that I could have given her would have been to ask her to stay away, I didn’t do that. Instead I just warned her about what she would have to deal with once the thrill of the initial sex was over and the libido was back to normal. The ball was then in her court – literally! She was the one who would have to make the decision if she wanted to continue the secret adventure or walk away.
Here’s what I told her.
It Won’t Be Easy
Being a couple and managing a relationship is never a smooth sailing. There’s a lot of effort that needs to be put in. So if you are a part of a couple, one of whom, in turn, is a part of another couple then the unpredictability and the challenges that will be thrown on you will be manifold. Sometimes things will get really messy as you wait for your turn to come. After all, he will deal with his existing family first.
You Will Be A Secret
You might go and tell your closest of friend about him, but that’s it. For the rest of the world, you will be a secret. He won’t be introducing you to his family and friends as the woman whom he loves. You won’t be able to hold hands in public lest you get caught. You won’t be able to special days with each other because he might just have a family commitment on that day.
The Wife Will Come Before You
No matter how caustic he is when he talks about his marriage, his wife will always come before you. And if he has kids, then it will be more so. He will always feel the need to be a husband and a father who is responsible towards the family. So, even if he doesn’t love his wife, because of obligations and a comfort routine that he has, he won’t risk losing all that simply because he is having awesome sex with you.
You Are The Diversion
Even the most happily married person gets bored. Some find excitement in hobbies, and some start ‘looking’. He’s probably the latter. So, he’s spotted you and you have become his diversion. While this can be painful to accept, it is true. And once the excitement of stealing hours from work and home for you is over, you will also just become a part of his ‘to do’ list which he won’t look forward to anymore.
You Have No Claim Over Him
He can be a great guy and if you are lucky, then he could truly be in love you as well. Despite this fact, if he finds that things are getting too complicated for him to handle, then he will simply switch off and disappear from your life. And he won’t even be carrying an emotional baggage with him. Men can do that. And once it’s over, you have no claim over him whatsoever – not emotionally, not financially, not legally. He will be stone cold.
You Know Only What He Tells You
He is already living a lie with his wife and kids. So what’s the guarantee that he’s not lying to you as well. He could well be juggling around with a handful of women and having a highly entertained life.
There’s No Guarantee Of Success
You are probably the very few women who will experience the joy of seeing the married man who you love, leave everything and come to you to start afresh. But is there any guarantee that it will work out with you? For someone who can deceive once, he can do it again too. Do you think you want to start a legitimate relationship with such a person?
Where’s Your Conscience
If all these, have still not made you decide what you want to do, then ask your conscience a question. Are you really being fair to his wife? She’s still married to this guy and dealing with everything that he has to offer, have looked after him during his bad days, have brought up his kids, have kept the house. Do you think, that just because you are having fun, you should intrude on her turf? Is it really worth being the trespasser?
When I had finished my sermon to my friend, I saw her looking down and fidgeting with her fingers. I knew I had to fix her a drink and give her the final one liner ending. I have a problem when it comes to giving advice. My one liner ending stretches far beyond a line. But, just as well – this is what my climax line was.
“Call me naive, but I still believe that love is an all consuming desire. It’s not physical but the need to be in person’s presence and to be able to enjoy the experience of being with them.
So, even if people say that I am selfish, but when I love someone, I want him completely. I don’t want him to squeeze time out for me. I want the constant texting. I want the hand holding in public. I want the movie dates. I want the burger binges. I want the quiet walk in the parks. I want the display of affection in the malls. I want a forever honeymoon period. I don’t want a cheap affair. I don’t want an hour long panting sex in a secluded place. Yes, I want the one I love to proclaim his love for me from the topmost mountain. Or at least, from his terrace!
This guy who you love – is ready to do that? Then you have a situation where you should at all be thinking whether you want to walk away or stay. But if he’s not these, then the answer is right in front of you. Don’t trust his words. See his actions. Anyone can say ‘I love you’. But does he really?
Ultimately, however, no matter what one says, the choice lies with you. Hence think with your head and not with your heart. After all, this relationship promises to take you from ecstatic highs at the beginning to a depressing abyss at the end. Your chances of happiness is low and uncertain in this relationship. So, if you plan to continue, at least ensure that you have a life that is more than just being the ‘other woman’. It will make things more tolerable for you, when the time for moving on comes.”
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