Sex IS NOT Love

sex is not love

Why does our ‘traditional’ society say that in order to save a marriage the woman must ‘give’ good sex to the man? Are they trying to equate sex with love? They honestly feel that sex will save a relationship when there no love remaining? Does love mean sex? Or does sex mean love? What’s the interconnection? Is the correlation really there or is it a spurious one?

Men can watch football and have sex! So, this one will just focus on women, sex and love.

A woman, any day, would prefer the soft bed and the dim lights to a banging operation while sitting on an uncomfortable chair. Somewhere, I think, its hidden in the anatomical reason. Women literally receive their partners right inside them! Now that’s a moment of vulnerability for them for sure. It doesn’t stop there. A study revealed that 30 different parts of the female brain, responsible for different emotions, are activated during sex – right from joy and satisfaction to hunger and thirst!

If the lady does not love her partner only then would she desire ‘acts of love’ (an incorrect term to use) from him which can be shown through sex, flirtatious acts, and wants of beautiful words being spoken. And only then would she, fearful that the society would tarnish her image if she couldn’t keep the relationship ticking, give in to his sexual demands too. Yes, that would be sex! But love? Na!

When it’s love, yes, physical pleasure is also a part of the relationship. And it’s an important part too. I’m not denying that. After all it’s not really a platonic relationship that we are talking of here. But sex doesn’t happen when you are in love. ‘Making love’ does. Yes, call me a romantic fool if you want to, but it’s true. And there’s a difference between the two.

Often ‘making love’ is considered to be a euphemism for ‘having sex’ and thus are used interchangeably. Yes, the former does necessarily involve sex. But having sex is not necessarily making love. Beer, no matter how expensive, is never wine. 

According to philosopher Alan Goldman, sexual desire is desire for contact with another person’s body to fulfil the desire. And it’s true. Sex is a mechanical activity. Kissing, touching, intercourse for the purpose of satisfying the physical hunger is nothing but ways to stimulate oneself mechanically. It’s all for self gratification. Philosopher Immanuel Kant has correctly stated that sex makes the person an object of appetite – once sucked dry, he/she is cast aside like a dry lemon! When it’s ‘making love’ there is no ‘you’ and ‘me’. It becomes a we. The chasm dividing two bodies doesn’t exist. It’s an unbounded unity while maintaining mutual consciousness.

Ask yourself these questions. If it’s love, then would the woman stop loving just because the hormones don’t want sex? Just because the age does not make her so lusty anymore? No. It would stay. The lack of sex would not make her feel empty or unhappy. But the absence of ‘her man’ would. Love makes a woman happy just by being with him – even if he’s mending his computer and she is reading a magazine.

Hence: orgasmic pleasure is just one of the many emotions loves conjures. Sex is not love. It is, at most, only an enhancer. 

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