Since we are, we must go. That’s the only constant. It happens to every living being. It must. Then, why do we feel what we feel when a loved one leaves us?
When someone who is very dear to us crosses over to the other side of the bridge why do we feel such myriad emotions like sadness, anger, and disbelief? Why do we start blaming them for leaving us? Why does it take us so long to come to terms with the loss and to get our life back in order? It makes me wonder, do animals feel so too? And trees? I guess not. Only the human brain seems to be programmed in such a way.
It is almost amusing how so much gets written about ‘moving on’ when a relationship fizzles out. And move on we do. For some it happens in the click of a finger and for some it take a few months. But we all manage to move on and find ourselves a new life and a new partner. All the years of memory that we had built up with one human being is forgotten. Or, at least, gets locked up somewhere so deep inside that it never shows its face. Why can’t we then do it when someone leaves us forever? Why do we find it so difficult to move on then? Is it because this person who has passed on left us while we were still in love with him / her? Is it because he went without a fight? But he broke our hearts too when he went! Is that not enough reason that we should forget him?
I guess it is the complexities of the human brain that makes it so difficult for us to let go when a person goes away forever. The ‘forever’ word seems to be the important thing here. I guess till it is a loss that cannot ever be reversed, we always keep hoping that things will change. And thus start our various ways to talk to the spirit world – we begin to look out for signs to know if they are visiting us, wait for their messages in our dreams and maybe even visit the graveyards or stare at their pictures with the hope that they will communicate with us. But do they really?
Much has been said about the ‘other world’ and how our loved ones never really leave us. I have lost some who loved me and who I loved. The closest being my father. Till I lost him, I have never felt the presence of any ‘loved soul’ wanting to talk to me. I have seen them in my dreams but those have merely been memories that I have lived during the days that I have spent with them.
Dad has been altogether a different story. The more I look at his picture, the more alive he feels. He seems to be around me all the while. I never believed that spirits pay us visits. But I have seen him and have felt his presence. I have asked him to help me and he has. I have asked him what’s going to happen next and the exact same thing has happened. I have sought his advice and he has given it to me. The logical part of my brain says that it is my mind that’s been trained by him that’s doing the answering. Probably I already know the solutions and so it’s coming to me. But my heart feels different. In fact, right now I can smell the tuberose in this room as a type! It is the same smell that was coming from the room where my father lay as people came to pay him their last respect.
That’s our version – the version of those who get left behind to face the sorrow and to pick up the pieces. But what happens to the feelings of those who depart? Do they miss us? Horrid as it may sound, I don’t think so. After all they have gone to a better world’ where there is plenty of love. They make their peace there.
However, they are very aware of what we are going through. And so even if they are now in a ‘galaxy far far away’, they do still continue to feel a sort of responsibility towards us. Maybe. Hence they continue to surround us and hold us in their arms and rock us till we feel better. They watch over us when we cry just to see that things are not going spiraling out of control. At least till the time when they know that we have someone who will take care of us or we have got a hold over our chaotic feelings. And that is when they feel relieved and truly happy. They feel joyous that we have attainted victory over our grief.
Honestly, if you were to ask me, I think that our loved ones never really leave us. They just get transformed into some other form of energy. So we should continue to celebrate them and the life that they had. Continue to acknowledge their presence during important festivals and family functions. They are there – just behind that ‘door’. After all we are carrying the love that they gave us, with us, forever. If the love stays, they stay too.
Truly, love is the only emotion that has the courage to defy all laws of science, religion and metaphysics.
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