So a friend asked me why his lady love felt jealous every time he went out with his friends. I did try to explain to him how we women operate. I hope he understood.
Women feel insecure. A part of them, no matter how much they trust their man, feels that he will meet a girl who is cuter and prettier and then she will lose the man who she loves so much. A part of this stems from the way women are made and a part, could be related to what she has experienced in the past. A guy’s constant reassurance might work. But as a woman, here is what you need to understand. One, just because one man has done so, all won’t. Two, your man chose you over all the rest of the girls in this whole wide world. Then why would he cheat? Three, if your man has to cheat on you then he, in any case, will. No matter what the place or time. The only way you can prevent this is if you keep him locked up in a tower. Now, since that it not possible, try and liberate yourself from his fear and anxiety.
Yes, women feel abandoned when they find that their partner has decided to devote his free time to his friends rather than to her. It is not that she does not have anything better to do, and a part of her also realises that not everything will be done together, yet she feels lonely. I know that smirk which men have on their faces right now as they think how this can even be a justifiable reason. But, it is. It, just is!
We, the women tribe, worry about our better halves. Sometimes, as we have been accused of, a tad too much. This is especially when they are out for drinks (where, in most likelihood, they will get sloshed) with a group who is not trustworthy enough. Some go the extra mile by messaging her boyfriend/husband at every opportune moment, and some sit and bite their nails off with worry till she knows that the guy is safely back home. The dissonance in the mind between what he tells her that he has done vs what her mind tells her that he has done, is altogether a different ball game though.
Sometimes when the mind has nothing to think about, then it begins to conjure up a lot. Albeit most of what it paints is just a figment of imagination. However, such imagination can lead to the women feeling anxious, jealous, sad, and angry. So much so that when the time for a conversation with her man comes, she becomes a hallucinating-unstable minded-short tempered woman. Very sad, I agree. One should thus try to keep the mind productively occupied. Sometimes, I know this will happen. But, let’s try that it doesn’t. What say? After all, such irrational thoughts will only just build up to a bitter argument with the one who we love so much.
Fear Of The Unknown
Some men make it a point to keep things vague. Right from where they are going for the party to who they are with. Why do men feel that giving details equals to snooping or becoming less macho? Why don’t they understand that if they can feel concern when we are out, we feel the same as well. Maybe if they were to tell us truthfully where they are, take the pains to introduce us to their friends, leave alternate numbers (just so that they can be contacted in case their phones are not reachable and it’s an emergency) the ‘situations’ that happen will go down. How about sending some pictures of what’s happening at the party? Any woman would feel good to see her man (and she will also love it because it would mean that the guy is thinking about her even when he is enjoying himself). So alright, we might be a little high on sentiments, but I’m sure men can deal with that. We also deal with a lot when it comes to idiosyncrasies of men.
The reason behind the jealousy could actually be fear that stems from her past. Maybe she belongs to the clan who has witnessed her partner betraying her wherein he has said that he has gone out with friends but has instead been out with another woman. The guy she is with currently could be completely loyal to her, but her past memories keep making her insecure. If the man gets into an argument with her wherein he belittles her anxiousness or makes little of her fear, then he will not be doing any good. Constant reassurance and immense patience will work.
The lady could be possessive by nature. It is one thing for a woman to feel concern for her man, and another thing to be totally possessive about him. If it’s the latter, then no matter where he goes out, she will suffer from extreme jealousy. There’s little that the man can do in such cases though.
Lack of Importance
Jealousy could stem from the fact that while she gives her man a lot of attention and importance, he does not do the same. There is a distinct difference between need and want. From the man’s perspective, if he is a need based relationship with the woman then he will never give her the priority that she desires. Only when want is also there will he even try to understand why his lady feels jealous and that it stems being lonely and unimportant.
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